Saying Goodbye

I’ve woken up to a new reality in the last two weeks. I’ve struggled, I’ve tired, I’ve gotten angry and cried. But it all came to a head the moment my son uttered one powerful question- “Mummy, when will you have time for me?”

 

My inquisitive, intelligent 5.5 year old wonder boy simply asked for me. Not for toys, or McDonalds for dinner, not for a game on the iPad or lollies he knows he shouldn’t have. He came right out and said that he needed me.

 

And at the very moment, short of breath and full of love, I laid my life out and prioritized. I took my business out of the equation and I’m left with more time, more moments with my children and husband and the time I’ve desperately needed to study in.

 

It’s been many, many years since I just felt like doing nothing. I’ve kept myself on the extreme side of busy and then complained that I can’t switch my brain off. I’ve complained of lack of sleep, I’ve complained about lack of support and the lack of time I had to do what I wanted to do for myself.

 

It took my eldest child asking a simple, heartfelt question to get me to stop, switch off yet focus at the same time. I need to focus on my babies, even though I’m always with them, my mind is not. Taking my business out of the equation has instantly meant less stress, more time and more of me to give my children.

 

The writing side will not disappear. Writing is a big part of me and that won’t go away. The business side of writing is something I’m moving away from. I don’t know if this is a permanent move but for now, working on my business is the last thing I feel like doing. And for now, I’m not looking back.

 

I felt so strongly about working for myself, about proving that I could do it with minimal help. But my son caught me out. He proved without realizing that one woman can’t have it all- the study, the part time job, the small business and the family. You can’t give 100% to all these things. There is no such thing as Super Woman and for now, I’m settling on being just a woman and more importantly, being the Mum I love being.

 

I don’t regret this decision in the slightest and will look back in the years to come and remember the breathtaking moment I made the decision to feel better and make the best life for my family. Writing is amazing, but my family is all I need.

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